Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
