Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
