Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
