Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
