obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
