Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
