Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
