I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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