Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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