Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
