You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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