I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you made out with another girl for some wings
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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