There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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