Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
sarcasm needs its own font
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
