I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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