We need to rekindle our bromance
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
