yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
