Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fuck appropriateness.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
