wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
