It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
