so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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