i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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