i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
