i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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