the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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