You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
