Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
