New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
