SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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