sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
