i already hear my dad disowning me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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