It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
