So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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