So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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