i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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