I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
