I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
