if only i could text you this smell
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
