you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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