Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
