I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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