I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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