u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
