I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
