he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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