No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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