need another drink. this is the easiest way
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
