I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
