party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
