Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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