She said her name was "party"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
