They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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