Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
