At least make sure they are 18
Why
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
