I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
