I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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