just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
