How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
