best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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