Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize