Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
